145: Coast to Coast - Trans Pennine Trail, novice cycles all 215miles

My biggest challenge, getting back on a bike for the first time since being a boy and training to cycle 215 miles coast to coast along the Trans Pennine Trail. Lockdown meant that the ride was postponed twice; the training fell by the wayside. I had every opportunity to quit, but I persevered. I needed to see it through. People had already donated a large chunk of their hard-earned money to my nominated charity, CatZero. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life regretting that I didn't do it. Here is our livestream the night before I set off. /watch/UvRm_oH-HMY-m *Chapter List & Descriptions.* 0:00:00 Day One - Southport The start of the Trans Pennine Trail. Then the rain starts and I dodge the first of many giant piles of horse shit. 0:03:18 Rain AND Traffic. The first feed stop was not right on the trail. Google maps takes me the DIRECT route, rather than a cycle friendly way. John & Mandy AND Neil and Emma of “Urban Vanlife” greet me with towels and hot drinks. 0:05:12 The Old Railway Line This is pretty miserable. I’m already soaked and my white t-shirt is transparent. Touch screens and camera gear do not like getting wet. 0:07:48 The Danger of Using Multiple Map Apps I don't trust the maps., taking me down paths that I don’t really fit. Google Maps suggests a different route to the next feed stop... 0:09:36 Feed Stop Two What IS that smell? Shit. That’s what. After some unexpected stairs, I set off along the river to Manchester. 0:15:45 This Green and Unpleasant Land Yep, nobody has been down here since before lockdown. Nettles and brambles. I’m wearing shorts. 0:19:53 Which Way Do I Go? Broken signs. Roadworks and a closed footpath. My camera mount breaks. I need a piss. 0:21:16 Feed Stop Three My route has hotels booked at the same places as the 2019 CatZero route… only I’m doing it west to east which has unforseen consequences. 0:23:35 This Can’t Be Right!? These plants are out to get me. Nature has reclaimed the trail and is doing it’s best to ruin my day. I nearly run over a bird. 0:27:50 Attacked By Rhubarb The map tries to take me on the Greater Manchester Ring Road. I attempt to go under it via a river and slip into the stinky mud. 0:31:20 End of Day One, Beginning of Day Two John and Mandy park overnight outside the hotel, while I get a restless night’s sleep. Next day I set off alongside the canal. Deliberately difficult for cyclists. 0:35:33 I Timed That Right I go through a space-time portal before overtaking Tomb Raider’s Lara Croft. Then past the doggers and their discarded underpants. 0:37:54 Musical Montage 1 The mic battery went flat. Time for a Mevi-style musical montage! John meets me ahead of feed stop one to give me some encouragement. I head off along a dangerous footpath. 0:42:09 This is Insane! After getting totally lost, I vow to punch the person who made this “cycling’ map. It’s taking me down a path that CANNOT be cycled. The views are nice. 0:45:28 Bottom Reservoir Lovely views. I decided not to follow the map. Big mistake. Now I must push. 0:49:00 Feed Stop Two So far the ride has been awful and I’m beginning to have my doubts that I can finish it. Mandy joins me and we push our bikes over the pennines. 0:54:56 It’s Downhill Now… ...followed by some killer uphill and SOME flat parts. 0:58:35 Feed Stop Three Subscribers Jayne and Paul travelled miles to hear about the great things CatZero do. Caz has also come from GRIMSBY by bike! Mandy, Caz and I set off on the final stage. 1:01:19 Day Three Slathered in liquid talc for my sore ass, I skip the hotel breakfast. I set off along pretty decent cycle paths through Doncaster. 1:05:36 Gotta Get Up To Get Down Where cars go to die… and sofas 1:07:40 Feed Stop one Mandy feeds me bananas and Soreen, then I set off with the lens cap on. I’m such a dickhead. 1:10:40 My Ass Hurts OK, this is pure pain. I feel like my actual skin is being worn off my backside. 1:13:21 Footpath Closed I dice with cars and trucks on a narrow bridge. I arrive at feed stop two to find John asleep in the back of the motorhome! 1:16:08 Flat and Featureless Long straight roads with the occasional village and electricity pylons. Do you think anyone will see me take a piss? 1:20:17 Feed Stop three Hardcore, you know the score. I don't need the map anymore. I question the health benefits of cycling. 1:25:05 Once more, For Old Times Sake I stick to the overgrown trail for a few more nettle stings. I ride along the Humber past derelict factories. 1:27:27 Hull Marina Feed stop four. Greeted by familiar faces, I shed some tears as I learn some great news. Caz joins me for the final push to Hornsea! 1:31:23 Welcome to Hornsea We arrive at the seafront and the end of the Trail. I am awarded with a medal. High fives all round!

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